Immune to Immunity

health, life

After being sick for a week, my immune system took a breather, and then instead of building up immunity to the sickness like most normal immune systems do, it just got sick again. When my nose got tired of fighting the congestion, it simply passed the sickness to my throat. That guy hot-potatoed it to my left ear. Left Ear was completely at a loss as to what to do with the sickness since it never had to deal with it before. Left Ear contemplated passing it on to Eyes but they were too far away. It checked with Personality and Personality’s historic record of my behavior showed that “If you don’t know what to do, better not do anything at all.” So Left Ear allowed sickness to fester until I glimpsed a preview of myself in fifty years, tilting my good ear towards conversations, straining to hear, squinting in frustration and repeating “Heh? What’d you say?” more times that I can count. The loss of hearing, added to a throbbing head, made it clear that it was time to see the doctor. I was hoping to save this year’s $250 health insurance deductible by not getting sick enough to need a doctor, and instead put the money to more fun uses, like massages, shoes, or cat toys.

But I can thank Left Ear for squandering that dream. And barely one month into the new year too!

While cursing Left Ear, I realized that it wasn’t really his fault. The fault lies solely with my immune system. My immune system must be the laziest immune system of a relatively healthy person. I’m fairly certain it would, if compared against other immune systems in generally healthy people, win. Maybe not the gold medal of Laziness, but it would definitely make it to the podium. It’s that lazy.

Do I even have white blood cells? If so, guys, whatcha doin’? Are you aware that you’re essential to my health? Your raison d’être is to protect me from illness. Get. To. Work. My Google research literally says that you should be “continually at war.” War! When a particular body part is under attack, you’re supposed to rush in and fight. Wake up, hop on your plasma ponies, and giddy up down my bloodstream to kick some virus and bacteria ass!

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